


your candle in the dark

by prithivas



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26017090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prithivas/pseuds/prithivas
Summary: Ferdinand wished he knew how to reach out to him, how to ease his worries and solve his problems; but he was afraid of causing more problems in the end. The last thing he wanted was to make him feel worse than he already did. The last thing he wanted was to see him in such a bad mood.If only he knew how to help.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Linhardt von Hevring
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	your candle in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> my [FE3H exchange](https://twitter.com/fe3hexchange) piece for @caspheart! i hope you enjoy it <3
> 
> (ive also made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0qYDJz9rrei6IJmAYP9otW?si=zxyNTm3tTuS3faeqAfCc0w) for this fic: the title is taken from the first song, all that by crj)

It was half-past midnight when Ferdinand got a call.

He was in the middle of watching a very interesting documentary about snails and also on the verge of falling asleep, his eyelids getting heavier by second. Hearing his ringtone caused him to startle and he had to take a moment to collect himself before he picked his phone up - it was Dorothea.

“Hello?”

“Ferdie!” Dorothea’s voice was slightly shaky, and she sounded distressed. “Thank goodness. I didn’t wake you up, now, did I?”

He closed his laptop and set it aside as he repositioned himself to sit upright. “No- I was awake, don’t worry. Is something the matter?”

Dorothea took a breath in before she simply said, “It’s Linhardt.”

No one had heard from Linhardt for an entire week. Of course, everyone in their friend group was worried; even when they tried to act like they weren’t. Linhardt occasionally distanced himself from everything to take some time for himself; though normally, he would let them know beforehand. This time, he wasn’t even picking up any of their calls.

Eventually, they figured he needed some alone time again, but they couldn’t help but think something could have happened to him.

“Linhardt?” he asked after a beat, his voice slightly trembling. “You- did you speak with him?”

Dorothea exhaled. “Not really... He _did_ pick up my call just now, but didn’t say anything.”

It was still a relief to hear that - knowing Linhardt, it was probably his way of letting them know that he was alive. He let out a shaky sigh. “Just now?”

“I called you immediately after he hung up,” she explained. “You were the first person I thought of, I- Should I call him again? I don’t know what to do...”

Ferdinand considered it. “I’m not sure, really; maybe we should let him be for the time being. He... must be alright if he answered your call. Right?”

“Do you really believe that yourself?”

He did not. He was trying his best not to start worrying all over again. At first, he was the one that was the most panicked out of them all, but managed to calm down with the help of Edelgard and Petra. But now, hearing this - there was something wrong, this was not like the other times.

Something must’ve been done.

“Right,” she continued when he did not respond. “It’s Friday, right? Technically Saturday, whatever. I’ll try to visit him in the morning, but I- I’m not sure if I should, um. What do you-”

“I could visit him,” he blurted out.

Dorothea was silent for a second. “Well, you could-”

“Right now.”

Another second. “Right _now?_ Ferdie, sweetheart, it’s quite late.”

But Ferdinand was already on his feet, making his way to his room to change. “If he answered your call, it would mean that he is still awake.”

“Yes, but-”

“Goodnight, Dorothea. And, uh, thank you! I’ll see you tomorrow!” He ended the call and threw the phone across the room, on top of his bed. Maybe his decision was a bit too rash, but knowing that Linhardt had tried to reach out… It must’ve meant something, right? He would not be able to stop worrying about him until he saw it for himself.

After quickly putting on some clothes that could’ve been considered _decent,_ he grabbed his car keys and left his apartment.

Linhardt’s place wasn’t really too far away, so it would only take him around ten minutes to arrive there. Ferdinand didn’t visit him much, since Linhardt himself was barely at home. Usually, he stayed with others; because although he didn’t like admitting it, Ferdinand knew that he didn’t like being isolated unless he really needed it.

An entire week of isolation was way too much for him.

When he arrived at his destination and parked, Ferdinand hesitated to get out of his car. Maybe he shouldn’t have come, maybe Dorothea was right - it was nearing 12:30 AM now and all the lights in the apartment complex were out. Maybe- _maybe_ Linhardt had fallen asleep right after the phone call? Or maybe he’d answered the call on accident, while he was asleep. It was unlikely, but knowing how Linhardt slept…

Maybe he was awake, sure, but then maybe he didn’t want to see anyone. To see him.

And maybe Ferdinand should’ve thought this whole thing through before he left home. But he was already here, wasn’t he? Starting the engine and going back without even checking on Linhardt was not an option, because he wouldn’t be able to sleep the entire night.

So he got out of the car, made his way to the main entrance and rang Linhardt’s doorbell.

It took several seconds until someone finally answered; however, nothing followed the clicking sound that indicated the speaker was on. Ferdinand got closer to it, and realised the faint breathing coming through. “Linhardt?” he whispered - for no reason whatsoever. “It’s Ferdinand, I- uh, I apologise, I hope I’m not disturbing you so late at night, but Dorothea told me that-”

“Ferdinand.”

Linhardt sounded - it was hard to really tell as he was barely even whispering, but he sounded almost resigned, distant, small... It only caused Ferdinand to worry more.

“Are you alright?” he asked, slower this time. “It’s okay if you don’t want me to come in, but I was- we _all_ are worried about you. It has been a while since we’ve gotten the chance to see your face.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say, when in reality he had _so much_ to say. “I just… need to know if you’re doing fine.”

He waited in silence, and only then realised that it was actually quite cold outside. The night breeze hit him suddenly, and he wrapped his hands around his torso automatically. Linhardt still did not say a word, but eventually -

The door opened.

Ferdinand stared at it for a few seconds, since he wasn’t really expecting that; but then again, what _was_ he expecting? It was true that he was ready to leave if he hadn’t gotten an answer, but he had still hoped to see Linhardt from the beginning, hadn’t he? So he stepped inside, took the elevator to the 5th floor, and prepared himself for… whatever. Linhardt himself, probably.

He stepped outside the elevator to see the door to Linhardt’s apartment was left ajar, but he was not waiting for him there. Even when he opened the door and called out his name, it was impossible to see him as it was completely dark inside. 

Ferdinand took off his shoes and took a step in. It was probably not a good idea to turn on the lights but finding Linhardt would be hard like this, no matter how small the apartment was. So once again, he called out his name.

“I’m here _._ ”

The lights to the kitchen were turned on, and Linhardt stood at the door with a blanket wrapped around him.

Ferdinand took a step forward. “Linhardt..?”

“I’ll grab some water,” he said monotonously, turning his back to Ferdinand. “Make yourself, uh, comfortable.”

It felt… wrong. The way Linhardt walked, the way he talked, his entire demeanour; it was all so off that it made Ferdinand uncomfortable. Though he didn’t comment on it, not then at least: simply asking if he was okay again wouldn’t make sense, would it?

He went to the living room and started waiting there, standing up. Linhardt came shortly after, and sat down on the couch without glancing his way once. He then reached out to the desk lamp on the coffee table and turned it on, giving Ferdinand a chance to see his face.

Linhardt looked… tired. Not like he usually did, but rather completely _exhausted:_ the bags under his eyes have never been so prominent before. His eyes were set on his hands on his lap and he was fiddling his thumbs nervously.

“Are you-” Ferdinand automatically started, but held himself back. Linhardt didn’t move an inch, didn’t even bother looking up. “Uh, have you eaten anything at all today?”

In response, Linhardt shrugged.

Ferdinand made his way to the couch and sat next to Linhardt, who slightly scooted away from him. “That’s… not an answer. Have you been taking care of yourself? You know, drinking enough water, eating well, so on. When was the last time you last went out?” Linhardt kept silent. “It’s been almost a week since we last heard from you, so we’ve-”

“I’m fine,” he interrupted softly, but didn’t elaborate on it.

That was an obvious lie. Ferdinand sighed, trying to think of what to do or say to help Linhardt. “Have you had dinner, at least?” After a moment of consideration, he shook his head negative. “Then let’s start there, is there anything you would like to eat? Or, well, what do you have? I could prepare you something quick, perhaps.”

Linhardt slightly turned his head to stare at him, then quietly asked; “What?”

“Hm, would you like some bread?”

“Bread?” Ferdinand smiled and nodded his head. “...Sure,” he whispered, not taking his eyes off of the other man. He almost seemed to be evaluating him.

Ferdinand immediately got up from his seat to go to the kitchen and prepare something quick, so that Linhardt wouldn’t sit on an empty stomach any longer. There was not much in the fridge, but he figured bread with jam would suffice for now. He spread the jam on the bread, humming to himself, and tried to ease his worries. Linhardt didn’t look too peachy, that was for sure, but at least Ferdinand had been able to see him after a week - that was all that mattered, for now. 

When he went back to the living room, Linhardt was basically hiding under his blanket, only his face poking out of the hole he created. Ferdinand put the plate and the glass of water he grabbed on the table. “There, I hope you’ll enjoy your meal!”

Linhardt didn’t move at first, and instead stared at him with an unreadable stare. When he eventually reached out to the table and grabbed the bread, he ate it in tiny pieces, taking his time. _He must not have any appetite,_ Ferdinand thought.

“Do you wish to talk about… anything? Or is there anything else you want?”

With that, Linhardt stopped chewing the piece in his mouth and glanced at Ferdinand. “I want you to get out of my apartment, and I want to be left alone.”

Ferdinand blinked. “Oh, I’m-”

“But then also,” he continued, “I’m stuck in this loop of nothingness and it’s not getting any better. And it’s been lonely here, by myself.”

As he continued on eating, Ferdinand silently sat and watched him, unsure of what he was supposed to be doing.

“Dorothea called you, didn’t she...”

“Well, yes,” he answered. It didn’t feel like a question, though.

He put the rest of the bread on the plate and sighed. “So, did she tell you to check up on me?”

Ferdinand scratched his cheek, scooting away from Linhardt slightly. “No, I- Actually, she was planning on visiting you in the morning, but I… Well, I decided to pay you a visit, on a whim.” He then started panicking out of nowhere. “For that! I apologise for disturbing you so late at night! I can leave if you want me to, I swear!”

“Calm down,” ordered Linhardt, taking the rest of the bread again. “I didn’t really want to be disturbed but… A little company wouldn’t hurt.”

There was something about the way he said it - his words felt sharp, rough; like he meant to cause Ferdinand actual pain. Was it done out of defence, he did not know. But they seemed to have softened at the end; he’d gone a bit quieter, like he was telling him a secret. Ferdinand didn’t know what to make of it.

Ferdinand wished he knew how to reach out to him, how to ease his worries and solve his problems; but he was afraid of causing more problems in the end. The last thing he wanted was to make him feel worse than he already did. The last thing he wanted was to see him in such a bad mood.

If only he knew how to help.

“Have you... gotten enough rest?”

Linhardt snorted, “I haven’t slept in three days.”

Ferdinand got up on his feet quickly, causing him to jump on the couch. “ _What now?_ ”

“Please keep it down,” he mumbled. “If it makes you feel any better, I already spent most of the past week sleeping.”

“It doesn’t! Not in the slightest.” Ferdinand looked at him, then around. “It is also extremely messy here, allow me to at least tidy up the-”

“Why?”

The sharp tone was back again, and it sent a shiver down Ferdinand’s spine. He looked back at Linhardt to see him staring right into his eyes. “Pardon?”

“Why are you being so-.” He slowly got up to his feet, wobbled a bit, then fell back on the couch before Ferdinand could grab his arm to steady him. “Yeesh, what a pain... Are you here just to tell me how terrible I’m doing?”

Ferdinand sat back down. “No! I’m here to help you out.” He then remembered the words from before, about how Linhardt wished to be alone. “But of course, I will leave if you don’t want me here.”

Except he didn’t want to leave, not yet at least. Before anything, he’d gotten the chance to see Linhardt after so long, and he was obviously not in a good condition. It was already hard enough for Ferdinand to go on with his day worrying about what Linhardt had been up to, but now that he’d seen it for himself he couldn’t _not_ do anything.

(If only he knew what to do.)

Linhardt looked away and repositioned himself so that his head would fall on the pillow. “Could you stay the night, then?”

“Huh?”

“I can’t stand being awake anymore,” he mumbled - his eyes were closed. “At least stay with me until I fall asleep… Your presence might possibly help. It’s-” he yawned loudly, “worth a shot.”

In the silence that followed, Ferdinand was silent. The implications of his words were unclear and yet concerning; but this time, Linhardt had given him a chance to let him help. He decided to take it - it was a Saturday after all, he had no better place to be at.

So he leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. “Sure. I’ll stay.”

When he woke up with Linhardt dozed off on the other side of the couch, the sun was back up. His neck was a bit stiff due to his uncomfortable posture, and there was the weird taste in his mouth that he mostly got after waking up from a nap. 

But Linhardt was fast asleep, thankfully. Ferdinand went to the kitchen, grabbed some fruits and put them on the coffee table; hopefully, he would see them when he woke up and actually eat them. While quietly leaving the apartment, he decided to visit Linhardt every night from then on, to make sure he was taking care of himself.

On the first day, Ferdinand messaged everyone to let them know he saw Linhardt, and that he still needed some time to collect himself. It seemed to ease their worries a little bit. Bernadetta interrogated him for a bit to make sure he was doing alright by himself, especially asking about his general attitude. Ferdinand knew that she understood what he felt like more than the rest of them did - so he tried to help her out as much as possible.

They met up at a smoothie place two hours later.

“I might try to visit him every night, maybe,” he said as he stared at the drink in his hands. “He didn’t seem to mind my company in the end.”

Bernadetta sighed, taking a sip from her strawberry and raspberry mix. “Then there shouldn’t be an issue, right? I mean, Linhardt can be hard to understand sometimes, but you get him better than I do.”

“You think so?” he asked curiously. She wasn’t the first one to mention this; some of their other friends have also told him that they were surprised by how easy it was for him to read Linhardt. It was quite weird since that wasn’t the case with anyone else.

To him, Linhardt still wasn’t an open book; sometimes it was truly hard to understand what he was thinking. Though most of the time he was quite straightforward with what he wanted, and they had known each other long enough for Ferdinand to familiarise himself with his behaviours.

“No, I _know_ it!” Bernadetta chimed. “If you say he didn’t mind after all, then I think he… might have needed someone to be there for him. No matter how he may act, he does get lonely easily. He’s like… Uh, like a cat! You know what I mean?”

Ferdinand nodded. “So, I was thinking… Maybe I could get him something to eat?”

“Good idea...” Bernadetta mused while she looked out of the window. “Letting him know you’re there without pressuring him is great. Ah-” she shrieked, turning her attention back to Ferdinand. “Not that I’m accusing you of pressuring him! Please don’t get me wrong.”

“I did not,” he chuckled, “no worries. But I don’t know what I should bring...”

She thought for a while before eventually smiling. “I can help you! There is _one_ thing that makes me feel better about myself whenever I eat it, even when I don’t have any appetite.”

So on the first night, he ended up bringing him chicken tenders. The door was once again left open, and Linhardt was, once again, wrapped like a burrito on his couch. He seemed to have more energy this time, probably since he’d gotten the chance to actually rest. Ferdinand could see the way his eyes lit up when he looked at the plate Ferdinand set on the table.

“Bernadetta made them,” he provided while Linhardt dived right into them. “She says hi, by the way.”

After eating the first piece, Linhardt turned around curiously. “How... are the others?”

Their friend group had been together for a long time. In Ferdinand’s freshman year, he had enrolled together with Edelgard to where Hubert was studying at the time; and though it was just the three of them at first, especially because they lived in the same apartment, they soon had met Bernadetta and Dorothea there, too. 

They hung out as a group of five until the next year, when two freshmen approached them (or rather, when one of them dragged the other with him) and somehow integrated themselves into the group without any problems: those freshmen would be Caspar and Linhardt. And lastly, Petra and Lysithea had _somehow_ ended up moving in with Bernadetta and Dorothea, though Ferdinand, after 2 years, still did not know the full story. He always forgot to ask.

It was hilarious, if he was being honest, because although Hubert had already graduated at that point, he’d kept hanging out with them - probably for Edelgard’s sake more than anything. Yet he had surprisingly ended up getting along with the two as well, or as much as he could. They were an interesting bunch, for sure.

Now, more than half of them had graduated: Linhardt was supposed to start his last semester next month. And yet, they still spent their precious times together, as much as their schedules allowed them to.

“They’re good!” Ferdinand exclaimed. “Petra left for home again for a minor disarray, but I believe she will return soon. And Caspar recently started his internship! So he’s excited about that.”

“Oh, the internship...” He took another piece of chicken and chewed on it absentmindedly. “Was it three days ago?”

Ferdinand thought about it. “I don’t exactly remember. Possibly, yes.”

“He called me then a few times, at night,” he muttered, and this time he sounded… sad. “I wanted to talk to him, but I- I couldn’t bring myself to. How pathetic it is of me to not even pick up my best friends’ calls.” Ferdinand thought he heard a sniffle, but it was hard to really tell whether Linhardt was crying or not. “I wonder how much he hates me.”

“You think that Caspar, _of all people_ , could hate you?”

Those two had been friends since they were born, they’d said so when they first introduced themselves. It was obvious that they both cared about one another a _lot._ He remembered the day Caspar moved out of their shared apartment to their own place; neither of them was really enthusiastic about it, as he recalled, but Caspar was bringing people over frequently and Linhardt was starting to isolate himself more each passing day, mostly to focus on his work.

It had been weird for everyone, yet the two were still as close as they always were. The fact that Linhardt was even considering the possibility of _Caspar_ hating him was a bad sign.

Linhardt looked at him. “Why _wouldn’t_ he hate me? I know that I’m a terrible friend, he has every right to. Surely his life gets easier whenever I’m not around.”

“That’s not tr-”

A hand came into the view. “I don’t want to talk about it… Too tired.”

Ferdinand looked at him, opened his mouth to say something, anything; yet nothing came out. He sighed, feeling useless once again. “Let us sleep, then.”

Eventually fell asleep on the same couch, in the same positions as before. When Ferdinand woke up, it wasn’t even completely light outside, and he was feeling crankier than the day before. He looked at Linhardt who was drooling on the couch, hand grasping the sides of his blanket. He looked more content while he was asleep like this - almost cute, even. 

Ferdinand felt something tugging at his heart, but chose to ignore it.

On the second night, Linhardt was waiting for him at the door with a cereal box in his hands, the same blanket still wrapped around him. He waved at Ferdinand before going inside, and Ferdinand followed. The light to the hallway was surprisingly on as well, but not the one in the living room. It felt like progress to Ferdinand nevertheless.

“I brought a sandwich,” he announced, setting the cup on the table. “It’s steak and… _cheese_. No offence, but it still baffles me that you actually enjoy eating _this._ ”

Linhardt gave him a look as he set the cereal box aside. “This is no different than a _cheeseburger_ , and you like that for some reason.”

“It is completely different!” Ferdinand huffed and sat next to Linhardt - this time, he didn’t scoot away from him. “Cheddar is an exception, and even that hurts my stomach sometimes.”

“What about pizza?”

“It is _not_ the _same_!”

Then, unexpectedly, Linhardt giggled while taking a bite from the sandwich, covering his mouth afterwards. Ferdinand’s eyes widened slightly, and- well. It was a nice sight, even when it only lasted a second; just hearing the giggle caused a twinge in his heart - or maybe it was more like swelling?

He was bad when it came to explaining or completely grasping his own emotions, and especially trying to give them a name and meaning was confusing. Thus, he tended to focus on others’ feelings, what _they_ were feeling instead of himself. Was that not what mattered, in the end? If he could understand the people around him, he could understand his own heart better - or so he thought.

But this ache was unlike anything else, and unlike all the other times he wanted to give it a name. The only problem was that he was _afraid,_ as the uncertainty of it mixed with the need to desperately keep it to himself made him want to bury it deep down

It shouldn’t have mattered, but he wanted to learn more about it. 

“What’s with that look?” 

Ferdinand blinked a couple of times to see Linhardt staring right into his eyes. “Nothing!” he exclaimed a bit too loudly. “It’s nothing. Enjoy your cheese.”

Linhardt deflated after that. “Ah, you’re uncomfortable.”

“I- I’m not uncomfortable!”

“You’re stuttering,” he continued - and there it was, the sharp tone was back. “You know, you can drop the knight in the shining armour act. Don’t feel obliged to help me.”

Ferdinand’s brows knit. “You assume I’m doing this because I feel obliged?”

“What other reason is there?” He took another bite and started chewing angrily.

“Because I _want_ to!” he exclaimed quite loudly, but Linhardt didn’t show any reaction. “Maybe you should consider that I care about you!”

It shouldn’t have mattered, that was for sure. Yet it was too intense that even when he couldn’t quite grasp what it was actually supposed to be, it still found a way to make itself known - not just to him but others as well. 

Linhardt stopped chewing. His eyes were out of focus, and his grip on the sandwich was loosening. Eventually, he dropped it back on the plate and sighed. “I’m tire-”

“Linhardt.”

A beat. “Ferdinand.”

He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to ask, or if he was even supposed to in the first place, but there was something that obviously bothered Linhardt and he needed to know what it was. “I don’t mean to- Well,” he cleared his throat, “it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me, but… What happened?”

Linhardt looked up slowly; when their eyes met, neither of them moved. It was only a moment before they both looked away, yet it had felt so heavy that Ferdinand had to clear his throat again. 

“It’s pretty stupid,” he breathed eventually. “Maybe I could tell you later.”

“Only if you want to!” Ferdinand reassured him.

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “It’s starting to become an issue- well. I guess it’s always been an issue. Goddess, I really _am_ tired.” Linhardt yawned loudly as if he was trying to get his point across. “Will you stay tonight as well?”

He nodded his head absent-mindedly. “Yeah, I will.”

“You’re spacing out again.”

“Linhardt,” he said, for the second time - this time, he sounded more sure. Or so he thought, at least; so he hoped. An idea had come to him out of nowhere, and maybe…

“Ferdinand.”

“Would you like to eat out tomorrow?” Linhardt’s eyes grew slightly, and he shut his mouth. “You’re aware that it’s… It has been quite a while since you’ve gone out, correct? So...”

Linhardt picked up his sandwich again, took a bite and then took his time chewing on it. “Let’s see… Are you asking me out?”

He nodded. “You could say, in a way, I am asking you to go out.”

The silence that followed afterwards was the tensest one Ferdinand had experienced in his life, probably, as he had made eye contact with Linhardt for the entirety of it. He looked tired, and disappointed on top of that; however, the corners of his mouth were slightly curled up.

“Sure,” he said eventually and put his head on Ferdinand’s shoulder. “Goodnight, Ferdinand.”

In response, Ferdinand whimpered in shock as his body completely froze.”A-ah,” he whispered, trying to move his face away from Linhardt, so that his head would at least fall on the space between Ferdinand’s shoulder and neck. “Goodnight...”

It was half-past midnight when Ferdinand got a call.

He was in his car, on his way to pick Linhardt up from his place. When he took a quick glance at his phone on the seat next to him, he saw that it was Caspar who was calling. He simply let the phone ring, listening to the tune and bobbing his head. He would not make the mistake of driving and talking at the same time, as driving by itself required enough of his attention already.

Though Caspar was a persistent caller, indeed.

When he arrived at his destination, Ferdinand was conflicted; he was unsure whether he should go upstairs or let Linhardt know he’s here with a text or something similar. Maybe even ringing him up would be enough - but what if it wasn’t? It was probably a good idea to wait a bit here and decide on what was the best thing to do; alas, he got bored a bit too quickly.

So he grabbed his phone, ignored the missed call from Caspar and dialled Linhardt’s number.

He didn’t pick up immediately, Ferdinand was sure he heard the tone at least five times before he picked up; and even when he did, he didn’t say anything. Ferdinand listened to his breathing on the other side of the line before clearing his throat and loudly greeting him.

“Hello, Linhardt! I have arrived at your place and, erm, should I go upstairs to pick you up? Or shall I wait-”

“Stay where you are,” Linhardt interrupted curtly and hung up. Ferdinand moved his phone away from his ear and stared at the recent calls page wordlessly. He was supposed to wait, without any indication of how _long_ he was supposed to wait for, or _what_ he was currently supposed to do. He felt like he could explode any second.

Thankfully, it didn’t take for Linhardt to appear at the door, looking - well, uncomfortable, first of all. He was staring out of the glass door with squinted eyes, as if he was looking for threats. Otherwise, he was now wearing actual clothes instead of walking around with a blanket wrapped around him; it had been a while since he’d witnessed it. Even the plain sight of Linhardt with his hair tied in a bun and dressed for the occasion brightened up Ferdinand’s mood.

It was the simplest of things, and yet it was another sign of progress. He just hoped Linhardt was feeling better than the first time he visited.

“Why is it so cold in the middle of August?” complained Linhardt as soon as he got on the passenger seat. Ferdinand pointed at the seatbelt before he started the engine. “Can I borrow your jacket if it gets colder, oh the ever so noble Sir Ferdinand Aegir the third? No, the _second_.”

Ferdinand snorted, then quickly cleared his throat to conceal it. “Sure, uh… Linhardt the, erm…” He thought about it long and hard. “The, uh- I can’t think of anything.”

“Just Linhardt is fine,” he smiled as he fastened his seatbelt. “Let’s just go.”

They didn’t talk during the car ride; Ferdinand gave his full attention to the road and Linhardt stayed quiet the entire time, as he was aware the other got quickly distracted when he was behind the wheel. Thankfully, it was only a short ride.

“And we have arrived!” Ferdinand announced after he parked.

Linhardt looked out of the window to see where they were, and when he realised- “Did you really bring us to a pizzeria?”

“It’s one of the few places open after midnight,” he explained cheerfully and unfastened his seatbelt. Linhardt did the same with a chuckle. “What?”

“No, don’t get me wrong, it’s perfect. I was just expecting something different, I think.”

Ferdinand frowned. “Such as?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Linhardt opened his door and was once again met with the cold air - he shivered violently. Immediately, he grabbed onto Ferdinand’s jacket, though he wasn’t looking at him. Without hesitation, Ferdinand took off his jacket and handed it to Linhardt; in return, he snatched it in the blink of an eye. 

They left the car and headed to the pizzeria side by side: inside, they were cheerfully greeted by a ginger girl with her ginger hat and ginger uniform behind the counter. She looked a bit too bright, considering it was past twelve. “Welcome, fellas!” she said, immediately grabbing a menu and holding it for them. “What can I get you?”

Linhardt leaned in (which was quite disturbing, but not exactly in a bad way; it just felt especially weird with the cashier staring at them) and whispered, “Should we get something with _extra cheese?_ ”

“Absolutely _not._ ” He giggled quietly and Ferdinand tried his best not to shudder - this was _way_ more than just disturbing. The smile on the cashier’s face did not waver a bit. Ferdinand liked her.

“Okay,” Linhardt started, not even taking a glance at the menu, “a large Tuna Mix, then. Is diet coke alright?” Ferdinand nodded and took out his wallet. “Also, two strawberry muffins.”

The woman- when he finally remembered to look at her nametag, he learned that her name was Leonie; when she was done with their order, she exclaimed, “It will be ready in maximum fifteen minutes! Go take a seat while you wait.”

As soon as they sat down on the same booth, Linhardt put his head on Ferdinand’s shoulder and let out a long yawn. He was holding both of the muffins in his hands while Ferdinand had the drinks. “Not to always assume the worst, but she definitely hates us.”

“How come?” Ferdinand asked, adjusting himself so that Linhardt was comfortable.

“I caught her eye twitching a little. Probably has a lot of experience with customers if she’s that good at hiding her discomfort.” After a beat, he continued in a more serious tone. “On that topic… Any luck finding a job?”

Ferdinand shook his head, and he could feel his mood drop. “None yet. I might have to find a cheaper apartment soon.”

“Did you think about moving back with the baldie?”

“ _The b-_ ” he snorted uncontrollably, and the snort turned into laughter. The person sitting two booths away glared their way with murderous intent, but Ferdinand found it too hard to control his laughter. “I _did,_ ” he continued after pulling himself together - Linhardt was still grinning, “but that is honestly a terrible idea. He is still planning on fully depending on me, and that would make the matters worse.”

His father had been fired from the office by Edelgard’s uncle a few months ago. Now, as he was jobless and pissed off, he spent most of his time spending money on useless shit. Ferdinand had been trying to stop him from doing that, but he didn’t want to cooperate. 

He had figured out that his father was doing a _terrible_ job a little too late, yet him being kicked out wasn’t exactly surprising for him. Thankfully, he had been making an effort to make a living with his own efforts for a while - it was mostly thanks to Dorothea. But freelance jobs weren’t enough to cover all of his expenses...

“Maybe you should apply here. You would just be like Leonie; ginger employee, dressed up in ginger, working in a ginger place. Oh and, a customer service smile - see, you already have that one covered.”

He gasped. “My smile isn’t-”

“I know,” he nuzzled into his arm as he grinned, which effectively shut Ferdinand up. “That’s part of why you’re just _so_ charming.”

The person from before groaned loudly and took their phone out - from the looks of it, they were turning up the volume of whatever they were listening to. Ferdinand chuckled nervously, but decided not to say anything to that. Linhardt was already dozing off on his shoulder from the looks of it.

Eventually, their pizzas came and they ate together while Ferdinand told Linhardt about all the cool snail facts he had learned from the documentary. Linhardt seemed to be just as fascinated by them as he was - his reactions were truly endearing. He didn’t move an inch, keeping his head on Ferdinand’s shoulder the entire time; it was probably hard to eat the slices like that, but as long as he was comfortable...

“How are you feeling currently?” Ferdinand asked, because he wasn’t sure if they were making any progress. He wanted to make sure taking Linhardt out was a good idea, and if there were any problems he would try to think of something else to do.

Linhardt sighed and put his empty cup on the table. “I’m not sure. Still the same, probably.”

“Oh, I’m-”

“Don’t worry about it,” he cut him off. He’d been cutting Ferdinand a little too much the last few days. “I really should talk about this, huh…”

Ferdinand smiled and slowly reached out with his other hand to lift Linhardt’s chin, and somehow, the reaction was immediate. As soon as their eyes met Linhardt grabbed his hand; and while he was trying to move it away from his own face, he ended up slapping Ferdinand with _his_ own hand. Really hard. Ferdinand yelped loudly, which made the other person groan even louder than before.

Linhardt kept staring at him with his eyes wide open and mouth completely shut. Ferdinand could see his cheeks reddening slightly. Neither of them broke eye contact, nor did they say a word.

“Do you,” Ferdinand managed to let out after what felt like an eternity, and ran out of words. It was like his vocabulary had reset itself. “Erm. Do you still want to..?”

“Can we get out of here before we get murdered?”

Ferdinand looked around. The person was now full-on staring at them, and Leonie was _not_ smiling anymore. He didn’t like her all that much, suddenly. “Yeah, let’s go.”

It wasn’t clear to him for a long time, how much he actually cared about Linhardt.

When they’d first met, they hadn’t spent that much time together; after all, it was nearly impossible to separate Caspar and Linhardt from each other at the beginning. It wasn’t unusual for freshmen; after all, he had done the same and stuck with Edelgard and Hubert for a good few months before he’d started to make friends. But when they had actually hung out, he’d realised Linhardt wasn’t all that different from him.

Right now, he felt as if he’d known Linhardt for an eternity: there were still so many things Ferdinand wanted to know about him, but in a way, he felt like he knew enough already. Like he had always been a part of his life. He knew it wasn’t true, looking back, but the years had passed quickly. _Too_ quickly.

They had gone from confused teenagers fresh outta high school to actual adults.

Linhardt let out a long yawn. “Are we there yet?”

“Be patient,” Ferdinand scolded him curtly, not taking his eyes off the road. Thankfully, there weren’t many people on the streets at this hour. “We’re not going back.”

“No? Then, where..?”

Ferdinand smiled. “You’ll see.”

Because at some point, he had come to care about Linhardt maybe a bit too much. So much so that once, he had wanted the other to rely on him almost completely. It was instinctive, though the desire to be helpful was too strong for him to ignore it. Thankfully those days were gone, and yet - yet there was still a part of him that wished to be relied on.

Was it his own complexes, or something else? He wasn’t truly sure.

“We have arrived!”

He looked to his side to see the confused expression on Linhardt’s face. “Where are we?”

Without saying a word, Ferdinand opened his door and got out. It was much colder here than it was back at the pizzeria, it only took him a second to feel the chill in his bones. Linhardt 

“We’re at a cliff? At this hour?” He shrugged off the jacket and handed it to Ferdinand. He just stared at it. “Come on, I can tell you’re freezing.”

So Ferdinand took his jacket back, hesitantly. “What about you?”

“I just have to stick close to you,” he smiled as he linked their arms, “so you can heat me up.”

A beat. “Eh?”

Linhardt giggled and started dragging him towards the cliff. “Care to tell me what we’re doing out here?”

“I thought of something that could possibly make you feel better!”

His eyebrows rose. “And what is that?”

Ferdinand only smiled, then abruptly started screaming on the top of his lungs.

At first, Linhardt let go of him and took a step back with a painful expression on his face; he covered his ears and slightly turned away from him. When Ferdinand was done, he turned back at him with shock written all over his face. His scream was still echoing.

“You,” he mumbled, and started chuckling. “You have some _strong_ lungs.”

Ferdinand felt out of breath. “You oka-hay?”

His chuckle turned into a laugh and he sat down at the edge of the cliff by himself. “Just don’t ever do that again, what the _fuck._ What was the point of that, except scaring the living shit out of me?”

“It’s a way to relieve stress! Caspar was the one who brought me here first,” he explained fondly. “Said he wasn’t good at offering emotional support, but instead taught me to just… scream. It’s quite funny.”

Linhardt’s laughter died slowly. “Sounds like him.”

“You won’t do it?”

“No,” he sighed, “I don’t think I’m suitable for it. Come sit down with me.”

Ferdinand obliged and as soon as he sat down, Linhardt’s head found its place on his shoulder again: like it was always meant to stay there. Neither of them said anything, Ferdinand patiently waited for Linhardt to say something; and eventually -

“It really is stupid,” he whispered, grabbing Ferdinand’s arm.

“What is?”

Silence, then: “I would be lying if I said I didn’t know why this bothered me to this extent, but still… It feels such a useless thing to worry over.”

Ferdinand almost said _I’m sure it’s not useless,_ or something like _your feelings are valid_ , but Linhardt had probably come to that conclusion if he was talking about it.

“Remember when my father called me back home?” Ferdinand nodded. “It was about what I was planning on doing after graduation; whether I’m planning on taking over the business or not. He said he was worried because of what happened with Caspar; basically, he was afraid of me doing the same and ah, _following my dreams_. How dare I.” He made a vomiting sound.

Caspar had given up on his secured position in his father’s company to do what he enjoyed. No wonder he was afraid.

“And of course, I told him I would do exactly the same - that had been my plan the entire time, after all, to be _free._ He got mad of course, and then he started talking about what a selfish, lazy, overall horrible person I am.”

“Linhardt...”

He shook his head. “That is just the usual, it’s not what bothered me. But he went further this time and told me I didn’t deserve anything good in life because, I quote, ' _it had all been served on a silver platter for me_.' He reminded me how I wouldn’t have met Caspar had it not been him which- well. He kept going on about how no one would like me had I not been his son.”

Ferdinand was - well, he was furious. The worst part was that he wasn’t surprised, yet it didn’t make the matter any easier or better. He had heard similar things coming out of his own father’s mouth, talking about him being grateful. The difference was that he had always tried to be the son he had wanted him to be, before eventually realising he did not want to be the person he was raising him to be.

Linhardt had been on that path longer than him.

“He warned me that he would cut ties with me completely if I didn’t change my mind soon.” He chuckled bitterly. “I should have been happy, probably. That’s what I’ve wanted my entire life, right? Freedom... But he was right, I was more or less dependent on him my entire life.”

“That doesn’t mean you haven’t accomplished anything yourself,” Ferdinand said. “You haven’t gotten _everything_ because of him.”

Linhardt groaned. “Though undeniably his wealth had a big part in it. You must know this as well.”

“I get it, truly,” he approved, “but you have your own accomplishments that have nothing to do with him.”

“ _Please,_ ” Linhardt snapped, and his tone was getting sharper every second. Ferdinand didn’t like it, not even one bit. “Me? The lazy rich kid who is just too busy caring about whatever useless stuff he discovered to be a decent human being? What could I have possibly accomplished?”

Ferdinand insisted. “A lot of things! Even if it doesn’t feel like it.” Linhardt opened his mouth, but he shushed him immediately. “It’s true that you’ve had it easier than most, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t had your own problems! If you’re already aware of this, the best thing you can do is to do something to _change_ that and take matters into your own hands rather than sitting here and feeling sorry for yourself because of what that wrinkly, old, _ugly_ man said!”

He looked up for a millisecond with an amused expression on his face. “You… Holy shit, you’ve been spending too much time with Dorothea.”

“...Maybe,” Ferdinand said sheepishly, immediately deflating.

“You know,” Linhardt snuggled closer, and his voice got quieter, “her and I had a conversation in my freshman year and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it recently. I’d told her that if she worried about anything, she could just ignore it. And so she’d told me that wouldn’t be living, but rather running away. Looks like I’m still running away.

“I’m only now starting to understand what she meant… I can’t ignore my problems forever. Hiding like this never seems to make anything better but - well, I am nothing but a coward. The only thing I know how to do is run away from my problems. Stupid, senseless problems.”

He was shivering, Ferdinand belatedly realised. He moved away from Linhardt for a millisecond to take one arm out of his jacket, then threw it around Linhardt’s shoulder, bringing them even closer than before. Thankfully, it was a big jacket.

“I’ve never thanked you, now, have I?”

Ferdinand looked at him. “There is no need… I was just helping you out.”

“Yeah,” Linhardt giggled, “that’s what I’m thanking you for.”

“...Ah. I thought you meant the jacket.”

“Why would I- ugh.” He buried his face in Ferdinand’s torso, which caused him to start panicking. “I already told you this already, haven’t I? I’m quite glad it was you that came to visit.”

He tried to not let his voice crack when he said, “Of course! I’ll be there for you whenever you need me.”

Linhardt held onto him even tighter. “Really? Then too bad, because you’re probably going to have to stay by my side all the time.”

It was simple moments like these that made Ferdinand feel like he was on the verge of exploding. Moments like this that made everything he had felt and was feeling absolutely clear as day. With Linhardt right by his side, close to him; the way they were both able to find such comfort in each other… It all felt special. So - he wasn’t sure what had pushed him over the edge, maybe the atmosphere and the landscape; but he leaned in and planted a kiss on top of Linhardt’s head.

Linhardt went completely still. He wasn’t even reacting to the cold anymore.

“...Ferdinand.”

“Lin _ha-_ ” his voice broke mid-sentence, and he cleared his throat. “Ahem. Linhardt.”

So then, Linhardt straightened up and leaned in to - oh.

It wasn’t an explosion; his heart and brain were still in place, though he lost control over both of them completely as soon as their lips met. It came as a shock and nailed him down to his place, making it impossible for him to move. Yet as what was happening started registering in his mind, he was able to feel everything more and more intensely; until he finally gave in and accepted it with open arms. Instead of an explosion, he was slowly melting into a summers’ night, finding warmth in another person. And nothing else mattered at that moment.

Though when they broke apart, the warmth turned back into shock as they stared at each other.

Linhardt broke eye contact almost immediately after; he shrugged off the jacket and let it fall from his shoulder to the ground. His cheeks were the same shade of red as before. “Could you… get up and, ahem, turn around.”

And so he did, with great difficulty - it felt like his legs had forgotten how to walk. He stood with his back turned to the cliff, and that is when Linhardt started to scream.

It wasn’t as… powerful as Ferdinand’s; but with the way it echoed and found its way back to them, and the way the cuckoos flew away made it sound almost _ethereal._ How could a scream be described like that, he wasn’t sure. Maybe it was a little weird. Ferdinand stood still and just listened - it was taking him a while for him to get everything out, it seemed.

When Linhardt stopped, he turned around to find him on his feet, looking as neutral as always. The jacket was in his hand. “Huh. That does actually help,” he said calmly and cleared his throat afterwards. Ferdinand was still frozen.

“I-Is that so?”

“You really are admirable, you know?” He took a step forward and threw the jacket around Ferdinand’s shoulders. “Sometimes it feels like you’re way ahead of everyone else, standing on your feet without asking for help. Makes you look like you have everything under control, but I know you don’t. You just never take any time for yourself.”

Ferdinand slowly put his arms in his jacket. “Linhardt…”

“Still,” he continued, “I don’t think I could ever be like you. Living a, ahem, _respectable_ life is too much work. What I _can_ do,” he cleared his throat, “is trying not to run away, as Dorothea said. But I still need some time and help.”

“Then I-”

Linhardt immediately put a finger up to interrupt him. “Not like that, _noble the noblester_. Have I not relied on others enough? If I don’t take matters into my hands, I will never truly be free, right? What I actually need right now is support, which you’ve given me enough of. So, in return… I want to do the same for you. _If you let me_.”

He took another step forward and wrapped his arms around Ferdinand, pulling him into an embrace. Instead of standing frozen this time, Ferdinand automatically did the same thing and felt the warmth all over again - he didn’t want to ever let go. If he could live in this moment, he would; he would try his very best to preserve it and never let go.

Maybe that’s what he needed as well; he’d always taken it upon himself to be leaned on by others, but perhaps he needed a shoulder to cry on, too. 

“Ugh, I miss the times you were shorter,” Linhardt groaned. “But thank you, Ferdinand. For everything.”

Of course, at that moment, nothing that actually sounded sweet or sincere came to his mind. Instead, he managed to reply with, “I’m… happy to help.”

Linhardt burst into laughter; and here he was, looking and sounding so free and careless. He truly seemed to be doing better after all of that, and for that Ferdinand was more than glad. He was feeling just as happy and light as him. He knew it was not permanent, because no human being was capable of that much stability; but for now, it was enough for him. The best thing he could do is to ensure he would always be there to shine when things started to get dark again.

(And this time, he knew that Linhardt would do the same, too.)

“Alright, enough with the sappy stuff, my ass is still freezing out here. Let’s just go.” Linhardt grabbed his hand and started dragging him towards the car. “Will you stay over?”

He did not hesitate. “Of course... Let’s go home.”

**Author's Note:**

> [ [my twitter](https://twitter.com/edlethea) ]
> 
> this was supposed to be a 2k fic but i couldn't stop writing... i love ferdihardt a Bit too much


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